Contrition
by em-witchwood
Summary: Roy's life after Ed's death. [RoyEd postseries]


_Contrition_

------

It was the first thing he'd asked when he woke up- if you could call the first pain hazed moments of consciousness being awake. "Where is Edward?" Hawkeye had told him that they were searching for him, and he had nodded and turned his attention to more pressing matters: getting well and keeping his men and himself alive and out of prison.

It was two days later, when he asked again, that Hawkeye admitted they had found Alphonse hours after Roy had first asked. A too young, flesh and blood Alphonse with no memory of anything that happened after he and Edward's failed human transmutation. Roy had suspected it then, but it had only been three weeks, so there was still hope. Fullmetal had done the impossible before, and he would never abandon his brother.

A few days after Roy was released from the hospital Winry showed up to collect Edward's things from his dorm. Roy and Hawkeye accompanied her, Roy limping heavily, using a cane and swallowing his pride when Hawkeye took his arm to help him up the stairs. The Elric brothers hadn't owned much, just Edward's clothes, some books and a few odds and ends they must have picked up on their travels. Central had not been their home- home was a luxury they had not allowed themselves.

Winry had packed each book carefully, gathered up all of Ed's notes with shaking hands, making sure to keep them in order. Her eyes had teared only once, when she'd stumbled across a photo album Hughes had given the boys. She'd clutched it to her chest and inhaled, blinking away her tears. Then she'd smiled at them. "Blackmail." She'd said.

It had been two months, but Winry still had hope, so he could too, right? Besides, "I won't die before you, shit Colonel." Edward had promised. Edward always kept his promises.

A month later there was a funeral. Roy went numbly. It was a beautiful day. Rays of sunlight shot through perfect white clouds to begild row after row of graves. The summer air was sweet with the scent of flowers and freshly cut grass. So very different from the last funeral he had attended, which had been damp and cold with pregnant grey clouds above them. The sharp pain in his chest was the same. So too the anguish welling up in his throat.

Once the mess with Lior and the Fuehrer had been cleared up- or, more accurately, covered up- it was decided that Fullmetal was a hero, not a deserter, so Lieutenant Colonel Edward Elric had been buried with full honors. Of course, Edward had always been the people's hero, as was evidenced by the sheer number of people who showed up to mourn him.

_It's too soon to be burying another friend, but at least this casket is empty._ Only Roy was wrong. The casket they lowered into the ground might not have held Edward's body, but it held Roy's ambitions. It held his hope.

Alphonse was not there. "He keeps saying that Ed's alive. I want to believe him, but sometimes I can't." Winry had explained. "There's no body." She'd added by way of explanation. She wouldn't believe Edward was dead, but she'd come anyway, because she just might have been wrong.

Roy stayed longer than anyone else did- even longer than Winry, who had been lead away by a silently crying Gracia. He stood and glared down at the words on the headstone: a name, a rank and two dates that were too close together. _You liar. _He thought. _You liar, _and then, _I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but there wasn't really anything I could do, was there? _He had watched Edward run off into the sunset towards a monster he wasn't sure he really comprehended. Roy had doubted his own ability to survive. He hadn't allowed himself to doubt Edward. Maybe he should have.

No. Edward never would have forgiven him had he tried to stop him. They each chose their paths. Edward had done what was needed to defeat the homunculi and save his brother. _It should have been you burying me, Edward. _

Hawkeye stepped up next to him, her eyes were wet but she wasn't crying anymore. "Roy."

"They deserved better. They fought so hard. Didn't they deserve better than this?"

"Alphonse has been restored. That's all Edward really wanted."

Roy stared at Edward's grave for a few more minutes. _Was it worth it to you, in the end? Of course it was. You loved him more than anything else._ "I want to see him." _I need to see him. _

Hawkeye slipped her arm around his waist, rested her head on his shoulder and didn't care who saw. "Me too."

-----

A few weeks later they arrived at the Rockbell's. Pinako answered the door at Hawkeye's brisk knock. They had not told her they were coming, but she didn't look surprised. "General. Major." She greeted, not respectful but not rude either, just resigned. "I am assuming that you are here to see Alphonse?"

They nodded. "I am sorry to intrude." Roy said, and he was. He had caused this family enough grief, but he had to see for his own eyes the result of the brothers' long journey.

Pinako sighed. It was a sad sigh, not an irritated one, and it made her look her years. "No. It is fine. You deserve some closure, too."

_Closure. _The word echoed through his mind, and he quite forgot the polite train of words that he'd had lined up just a second ago.

"He… truly remembers nothing?" Riza asked.

Pinako shook her head. "Nothing beyond the night they brought their mother back… or so he says. I think there is something more, but he won't tell us." She pursed her lips. "Perhaps he would tell you."

Roy smiled humorlessly. "I can't see why he would trust us more than he would trust his own family."

Pinako shrugged. "His brother trusted you." She stepped aside, gestured them in. "Please, have a seat. I'll go get him."

They sat in the living room and waited. There was a photo on the coffee table beside a wrench and a trashy romance novel. Roy picked it up without thinking, needing something to do with his hands. Ed, Alphonse and Winry beamed up at him, all limbs present and accounted for and covered in mud. Winry was sandwiched between her boys clutching a very filthy Den, her smile carefree and innocent. Next to her Al was holding a shirt behind his back, his smile sheepish. Ed's smile was not sheepish at all, but full of impish delight. He had one muddy hand on Winry's shoulder and the other on Den's collar.

"We got in so much trouble for that."

Roy looked towards the doorway where Winry stood, wiping her hands on a rag that she then tucked into her tool belt. She walked over and took the photo from Roy, smiled at it.

"Ed had gotten the brilliant idea to give Den a bath." She laughed. "Well, he _had_ been clean, for all of five minutes, and then Ed shoved a handful of bubbles down my shirt, and Al leapt to my defense, and it all sort of went downhill from there. I think it was when we dragged the laundry down in our chase that Trisha put a stop to our mudslinging." Her smile faded and she looked from the picture to Roy.

He didn't know what to say. He never knew what to say to her. _I'm sorry _would never be enough.

"Al…" She paused, hesitated. "Al doesn't remember. He doesn't know… everything Ed did for him. He doesn't know what Ed gave up for him." She looked right into his eyes. "Don't tell him. Please. It wouldn't do him any good to know."

Roy held her gaze for a minute. A woman's gaze, filled with quiet pain and resolve. "Alright." He owed her that much at least, didn't he? And he had a feeling that were Edward here, he would ask the same.

She sighed. "If he ever remembers on his own, then that's fine, that's good. But if he doesn't…" she trailed off as they heard the back door swing open and muffled voices, followed by a baby's giggles.

They stood, and Roy barely noticed Hawkeye's careful hand on his elbow.

"Come on, they're in the living room." They heard Pinako say, and few moments later the woman walked into the room, Alphonse just behind her.

He was as young as the reports had told him to be, his face slightly rounder than his brothers, his hair darker. Large grey-bronze eyes that would probably never hold the bitter cynicism his brother's had swept over them. Even though Roy had just been looking at a picture of Al as a boy, had known what to expect, it still made a feeling that wasn't awe and wasn't horror, but something painful that lay somewhere between the two, well up in his throat. Alphonse looked at Roy and Riza, took in their uniforms. "Winry?" He sounded cautious and confused.

"These are friends of your brother's." Pinako told him. "They wanted to see you."

Alphonse stepped towards them, excited. "You know my brother?"

He was looking at Roy, and Roy knew in some part of his frantic brain that he should respond, but he was too busy staring, taking in every detail of Al's appearance, from the dirt on the knees of his jeans to the carefully wrought features of his face. Riza came to his rescue. "I'm Major Hawkeye." she said. "This is Brigadier General Roy Mustang." She shook Alphonse's small hand politely, keeping her shock behind a kind smile.

Roy didn't shake Alphonse's hand. He couldn't imagine it. He crouched down and hugged the boy. His eye was burning, and his throat was tight because it was now that he was holding Alphonse- flesh, beautiful, _whole_- that he could deny it no longer. Edward Elric was gone.

"I'm sorry." he told Alphonse, all his grief, all his guilt welling up. "He's gone. I'm sorry. He's _gone_."

Alphonse hesitantly reached up to hug Roy back. "It's alright."

_No. _Roy thought. _It's not alright. This isn't alright at all. _

_-----_

It was a little over two years before Roy saw Alphonse again. Roy had got up and went to work early, done his work without complaint, and then left the office late. This new work ethic failed to impress Riza, who almost seemed to miss brow beating him into submission.

On his way home he stopped at the corner store for some groceries. The young woman who worked there knew him by name, knew exactly what time of day he would come in and what he would buy. He flirted with her, but never asked her on a date. He never would. Roy hadn't dated anyone since he and Riza's relationship had fallen apart.

He had just changed into his more comfortable clothes- frayed jeans and a worn grey sweater that Riza had given him when they were still in Academy. It was Riza he had been expecting when he opened the door. Instead there was gold hair and a worn red duster. It made Roy freeze, caught off guard. He didn't think it was Edward for a moment, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"Um…. Major General Mustang sir?" Alphonse's voice was sweet and clear and didn't echo at all.

"Alphonse. What brings you here?" He stepped back. "Come in."

Alphonse entered shyly. "I'm sorry to bother you so late in the evening. I just got into town and I guess it took me longer than expected to find your house."

"That's alright." He led Alphonse to his living room, offered him some tea or coffee. Alphonse declined politely, and Roy sat down, gestured for the boy to do the same. Alphonse sat down gingerly on the couch across from him. "So, what can I do for you?" He watched the boy struggle for a minute, watched his eyes dart around nervously. Every flicker of expression across Alphonse's face was wonderful simply for the fact that Al now had a face that could show expression.

Beneath the sharp pang of grief Alphonse's unexpected appearance and borrowed wardrobe had caused there was pride in Edward's accomplishment.

"Well... Winry told me that brother worked with you- for you. That you were his commanding officer and you helped him get sponsored or sponsored him or... well, you know, he trusted you and..." Al rambled, twisting the edges of his jacket- _Edward's jacket_- in his hands. When he realized that he was rambling, he blushed and tried to sit up straighter. "I actually, um, came to ask a favor of you. I was wondering if you would be willing to sponsor me to take the National Alchemist's Exam, like you did for my brother."

Roy sighed inwardly. Pinako had sent him monthly updates since his visit. It was through her that he learned that Alphonse was still convinced his brother was alive. "So I take it you've completed your training with Mrs. Curtis?"

Alphonse looked startled that Roy would know what he'd been doing. "Yes. My teacher… passed away a few months ago."

"I'm sorry." Roy said sincerely.

"She taught me all she could, but it's not enough not find my brother."

"So you're going to follow your brother's example and become a State Alchemist in hopes of gaining access to information that will help you find him?" Alphonse nodded, determined, and Roy thought _This is Alphonse, the boy Fullmetal loved more than anything. More than his own life._ Roy would protect him like he hadn't been allowed to protect Edward. "No." he told Alphonse.

"What? Why?" It came out more desperate than Al had wanted, and he tacked on a calmer "Sir."

"Edward wouldn't want you to do this. He'd want you to find your own path." _He'd want you to move on and live the life he returned to you, Alphonse. Not chase after his ghost._

Alphonse glared at him. "I'll find him. I'll do anything to find him."

Now the expression was a familiar one. Desperation. _How did I ever think, even for a moment, that you could be whole without him?_ "I know you will, but I can't let you do this. Besides, a year after your brother passed they changed the rules. You have to be eighteen to take the test now."

"I…." Alphonse fisted his hands in his jacket. "This was my only clue. I don't know where else to look. I can't remember."

Roy wished he could tell Alphonse what had happened, but he didn't know. No one knew but Edward. It wasn't fair that the brothers had worked so hard for so long only to be separated in the end. It wasn't right that Fate had stolen not only Edward, but the memory of him too.

"Alphonse, have you ever been to Yousewell?"

_I can't give him back to you, but I can at least let you know him again._

_-----_

Alphonse visited the General often after that. He'd come to the man with the rumors and stories of his brother he had learned from the people Edward had helped, and Roy would tell Alphonse the version of those same stories that Edward had given Roy- minus the foul language and wild gesticulations. Sometimes Alphonse came for no more reason that the fact that he enjoyed the General's company. Sometimes he came because he had a sneaking suspicion that the General missed Edward more than he let on.

One night he got up the courage to ask, "Just what was brother to you, really?"

The General had looked up at him, thoughtful. "He was…." What had Edward been? He'd been a rude, ungrateful, obnoxious, opinionated pain in the ass. At the same time, "He was one of my men. He was a member of my team." No, that didn't sound right. Edward had been more than that.

"That's all?"

No. Maybe, "He was my friend." Yes, that sounded right. Edward, for all his sniping and dirty looks, had been his friend in the end.

"Did you love him?" Alphonse asked.

"I believed in him."

-----

The phone ringing dragged him out of his nightmares. "Hello?"

"General."

"Alphonse? What's wrong?" Roy sat up, immediately awake.

"I had a dream, but I don't think it was a dream at all. And- and-" Alphonse sounded close to hysterical.

"Shhhh. Calm down. What was the dream about?" Roy asked.

That was how it started. Alphonse's dreams of him and his brother's journey. Always sharp enough for Alphonse to know they were memories, but too vague to make sense. Alphonse would almost always call Roy- needing someone to tell him where this places he was seeing were, needing someone to fill in some of the gaps, needing the voice of someone who wasn't years dead- which was the only thing Roy could really give him.

"Sometimes, I think he meant for me to forget." Alphonse said one night.

"What makes you say that?" _Because sometimes I think you're right._

"In the dreams he's always so sad, but he smiles anyway. I don't think I saw it then, because if I had I would have stopped him, but when he smiles at me it's not a reassurance. It's an apology."

Alphonse stopped calling him with his dreams after that. He stopped traveling so much in search of stories, of rumors, of any clues as to his brother's whereabouts.

-----

"I lied." Al said out of nowhere.

The General looked up from his scotch. "About what?"

Al twisted the edge of the coat- that is how Roy thought of it, The Coat, an eye catching symbol of desperation and the brother's determination to do the impossible - and looked at the spot just over Roy's shoulder. "When I said I didn't remember anything after we attempted to transmute our mother."

Roy said nothing, but he did reach out and still Alphonse's hands.

"I… I remember touching the circle, feeling the array activate- and then I was standing somewhere, surrounded by white light there was a Gate behind us."

"A Gate?"

Alphonse doesn't seem to register the question. "Brother was with me, but he looked different. Older. His hair was longer and he was…" Al cast around suitable word, came up with only "Sad?" Alphonse's voice trembled a little. "No. That's not strong enough. Broken. He was broken."

"Alphonse." Roy placed his hand on Al's shoulder, kneaded.

"He spoke to me. He told me, 'You go on ahead. I'll follow.' Only he didn't. I woke up alone and he didn't come back. He didn't come back."

-----

Roy visited Maes and Edward's graves every other Sunday. Sometimes Riza would accompany him. Alphonse, to his knowledge, had never visited his brother's grave. He refused to think his brother was dead. So Roy was very confused to find Alphonse crouched next to his brother's headstone, fingers lightly tracing the letters of his brother's name.

He didn't approach the boy right away. He visited Maes first. He always brought daisies for Maes, because they had been the man's favorite. He brought lilies for Edward, because Edward had transmuted some for him once, when he had been late for work and needed something to distract Hawkeye with. The unexpected gesture had thrown Roy off guard and made him realize that maybe Edward didn't hate him as much as he thought the boy did. Maybe Edward, in his own way, thought of Roy as a friend too.

He reached Edward's grave just as Alphonse was standing up. He set the flowers down. It dawned on him, as he was standing there, that Alphonse was 15, almost the same age as Edward had been when he died. It had been five years. It seemed like more.

"I remember some of it now." Alphonse said suddenly. "I remember losing Nina. I remember facing Scar. I remember that night at the 5th laboratory. I remember Martel and the Fuehrer, Marco and Maes, the homunculus with my mother's face. Not very clearly, and it's all disconnected. I can remember the events but can't string them together, can't make sense of them. Except-" Alphonse's voice broke.

"Al." Roy reached out to comfort Al, but hesitated. He never knew what to do when it came to the Elric brothers.

Alphonse continued. "I remember a old woman and a young girl, and somehow I know they're the same person, and even if I can't remember her I _hate_ her because- because brother, my brother-"

"Al."

"-he died. He died. I saw it. Envy killed him. And-"

"Al." _Stop it. I don't want to know. Knowing won't change the fact that he's dead. _

"-I tried to bring him back. I failed, I must have failed, but I don't_ remember_, and even if I did he'd still be dead!"

"Al." Roy pulled the boy into his arms and held him while he cried. "Alphonse." But what could he say? There was nothing he could have done, nothing either of them could have done, nothing _any_ of them could have done from the moment Edward decided to get Alphonse's body back. "He did it for you Alphonse. Everything he did was for you. All he wanted was for you to be happy." _It was all he let himself want, but you don't need to know that. _

"I was happy with him." Alphonse cried.

Roy had nothing to say to that. When Alphonse had cried himself out Roy lead him to the car and had them driven home, where he made Alphonse eat and go to sleep. Roy himself didn't sleep, but stayed by Alphonse's side all night.

_I would give him back if I could. I would do anything to give him back to you._

The next morning he drove Al to the station. Before Alphonse boarded the train, he asked, "My brother would want me to just keep walking forward, right?"

"Yes." Roy told him.

Alphonse's smile was watery. "It seemed a lot easier when he was with me." He blinked to clear his eyes. "Well, goodbye General."

"Goodbye, Alphonse. Take care."

Alphonse returned to Resembool. He wrote occasionally, but he did not visit Central as often as before. His search for his brother had finally stopped. After Alphonse left, Roy felt like he lost something. It took a while for him to realize it had been the last of his hope.

-----

The phone rang, waking Roy from his nap. He glared at it irritably but didn't immediately make a move to answer it. It was probably Hawkeye, making sure he was doing his work. For the third time. Having children had only made Riza more frighteningly psychic, her normal Mustang-sense now aided by natural mother's intuition.

"You going to get that?" Havoc asked, as if he didn't already know who it was.

Roy sneered, but answered the phone. "I'm awake, alright?"

A pause, then "Well, that's good to hear. Hawkeye not in today?"

The General straightened in his seat. "Alphonse! You're back!" The younger Elric- _only Elric now, Mustang, and who's fault is that?_- had just spent three months in Xing, working with some of the foreign nations most notable Pharmacists. They were researching limb regeneration and more advanced automail using alchemy, and had been for the last two years.

"Yeah. I just got in yesterday." Alphonse's voice had deepened, but at twenty-four there was still something about him that sounded fifteen.

"How are things going?"

"Great. Huang is amazing once he gets going, it's the getting him going that's tough." Alphonse said fondly. "Anyway, Zhi and I are heading up to Central tomorrow. Do you have any plans?"

He didn't, and they planned to meet for lunch, which Roy knew would turn into shopping and then dinner, probably at his house, with Alphonse cooking. It normally happened at least once a month, and Roy had missed it.

"Al coming up?" Havoc asked when Roy had hung up. Roy nodded. "Nessa's been asking about him." Which Roy didn't doubt, since Havoc's daughter seemed to ask about any and everything at every opportunity. The fact that she was a spitting image of her mother made it all the more disturbing, as far as Roy was concerned. Riza Hawkeye's eyes trying to drill holes in his soul while asking him if he knew any pirates always made Roy wonder at his sanity.

Not any more than the voices in his head did, though, so Roy was able to brush it off.

"Hey, General," Havoc began. Roy almost cringed, he knew that tone. It always proceeded questions he didn't want to answer and a gentle pointing out of facts he didn't want to face.

"Well, I think I'll head home then. If I'm going to be entertaining an Elric, I better do some shopping."

He could see Havoc bite back a sigh, but only Riza had ever had the guts to dig for the answers she wanted, and she had lost the heart to do it. "Yeah. See ya Monday chief."

"Have a nice weekend." Roy said, slipping on his coat and slipping out the door.

He swung by the corner store for groceries. The pretty young woman who had always worked there had gotten married recently, and a dark young man with long black hair and red-tinted eyes worked there now, scowling irritably at nothing in particular. He smiled at Roy though, a cocky flash of teeth and gums. Roy flirted with a young mother while he paid for his purchases, helped a little girl reach a bag of sweets that were two shelves above her head, and headed home.

He kicked off his shoes immediately upon entering the house, shucked off his jacket and hung it by the door, then made his way to the kitchen and put away his groceries. He fixed himself a sandwich and some tea and ate it while finishing up some paperwork, getting ahead on Monday's so that he could spend more time with Alphonse. He went to sleep early, as he did every night that he didn't stay at the office late, and when the nightmares came to him, he was too tired to resist.

The smell of fresh coffee and bacon wafted up to him, waking him mid morning. He could hear Alphonse and Zhi talking softly and just lay there, letting their voices wash over him. No matter how much Al looked like his brother, they sounded absolutely nothing alike, a small blessing. He dragged himself from bed tiredly, heading straight for the shower. He was downstairs fifteen minutes later, dressed in a lightweight sweater and soft khaki's.

Alphonse smiled at him warmly. "Good morning."

His girlfriend leaned against the counter next to him. She was pretty, her young face heart shaped and still showing traces of baby fat, her hair just long enough to be pulled back into a small tail. She was wearing a lightweight blue dress, and the slight bulge in her midsection was immediately obvious. When she smiled, pretty became beautiful. "Hello, Roy. We missed you." She said, stepping forward to hug him happily.

Roy smiled at them both. "Morning. And congratulations."

When she pulled away, Zhi laughed. "We wanted to surprise you." She said.

"It's a very pleasant surprise." Roy said, and it was.

"Well, good, because we have one more." Alphonse said. He pointed towards the table. "Sit. You're too skinny. I haven't been around to make sure you eat more than the stuff they try to pass off as food in the cafeteria." When Roy was sitting down with a overflowing plate in front of him, Al and Zhi sat down across from him, Zhi with a plate almost as full as Roy's, Al with a cup of coffee.

"And the other surprise?" Roy asked.

"We came up here to shop for two things: new tools, of course, to replace the ones we lost when we lost the east labs, and a house." Zhi said.

Roy blinked. "You're moving to Central?"

Alphonse nodded. "Yes. There's no reason why we can't continue our research from here. We've already made amazing progress, and are in the process of fine tuning a few new models and the arrays to be used with them. Winry is moving to Rush Valley with her husband, and Rose and Russell are going to be living in Resembool."

"There's no reason for use to stay there," Zhi picked up. "and it's damn inconvenient."

"So, we're moving to Central. We're hoping that you can help us out, since neither of us have ever bought much more than books and lab equipment."

Something in Roy was warm and eager at the thought of having Alphonse and Zhi nearby, but something else was tired, tired and guilty and aching. He smiled, made sure only the eagerness showed through. "Of course I will." _But it should be your brother who does this, not me. _

As if sensing the thought, Alphonse reached across the table to place his hand over Roy's. "Thank you. It means a lot to me. Ever since I came here looking for brother, you've been here for me. More than anyone else. You've always done so much for me and brother."

Roy smiled, but couldn't help but think that he hadn't done enough.

-----

He should have expected it, but he didn't. Alphonse and Zhi were getting married, that much he had known was inevitable from pretty much the first letter in which Alphonse had mentioned her. Alphonse wanted him to be the best man.

"Why?" He asked, and he hadn't meant to sound so confused, hadn't meant to let his face show anything other than faint surprise.

"Because, Roy, you're family. You're the closest thing to a father I've ever had, and I love you." He said it simply. As if it was obvious.

"I…" Roy had meant to stop there, but it wasn't one if his better days. He was tired and overworked, and it was too close to the anniversary of That Day. "It should be your brother here. It should be Edward, not me. I don't deserve this. This is Edward's place and it's my fault that he's not here to stand in it."

Alphonse stepped around Roy's desk and wrapped his arms around the older man, hugging him tightly and reaching up to stroke his hair soothingly. "You're right. Brother should be here. He should have been here with me all these years. It's not right that he's not here, it's not fair, but it's not your fault. It's not your fault. There is _nothing_ you could have done to stop him. If you had tried he would have run to someone who wouldn't have cared like you. Someone who wouldn't have protected us. This is as much your place as his."

"But I… but I…." _I let him go. I let him go alone._

"No. Where ever brother is, he doesn't blame you, I don't blame you. The only one who blames you is you, and there's no need."

Roy didn't even try to pretend he believed Alphonse this time, just clung to him as he let go and cried for the first time since he lost Maes. Alphonse just held him, his own eyes dry but anguished, the loss of his brother an ache that had never faded, but one that he had learned to live with, had made himself live with so he could keep going, and Edward's sacrifice wouldn't be in vain.

-----

"Uncle Roy!" Li-Lian called, pounding up the stairs. "Uncle Roy!"

Roy sighed, finished the last few lines of his letter and put it aside just as the door to his study burst open and Li-Lian launched herself at him.

"Uncle Roy!" she cried happily. She was wearing a pair of black jeans with holes worn into the knees and a red sweatshirt. Her hair was pulled back into what might have been a neat braid earlier, but now her hair tie was falling out and there were leaves in her hair.

He smiled at her and ruffled uneven blond bangs- it looked like she had tried to trim them herself again. "What happened to your cheek?" he asked, rubbing his thumb softly across the bruise.

Golden eyes narrowed as she scowled. "Some jerk was making fun of the way Vaan talks, so I punched him." She grinned. "I got him good, too!" She was the spitting image of Edward, and it still hurt to look at her sometimes, but it was getting easier.

"Ah." Roy said, amused. He looked over the scratches on her arm and wondered what the other kid looked like. "Where are your parents?"

She rolled her eyes. "They're probably still back on the corner, with how slow they walk!" She grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the door. "Come on! Mom and me made this cool cake recipe that Daddy got from Creta. It's really good so you have to try it! And Vaan is big enough to play ball with us now, Mom said so."

Roy listened to the girl's chatter as she led him down the stairs and to the front door. He grabbed his jacket and the scarf that Zhi had bought him ("Orange, because you need to wear something other than blue.") and they headed out. Al, Zhi and their son were just reaching the house, and Vaan toddled up to Roy. He was dark haired and dark eyed like his mother. "Uncle." he said, raising his arms in the universal toddler gesture that meant they wanted to be picked up. Roy obliged him and watched as Li-Lian tried to squirm away from Al putting her back into her own coat and scarf.

"Hello, General. You're looking better." Zhi said. She kissed his cheek, just under his eye patch.

"I'm feeling better." he said, and for the first time in a long time he meant it.

"Good." Zhi placed her hand in the crook of his elbow. "Riza, Jean and Nessa are meeting us at the park."

Roy watched as, finally wearing her coat, Li-Lian managed to break away from her father and ran ahead. She stopped at the corner, dancing from foot to foot impatiently. "Come on!"

Al shook his head and laughed. "She's far too much like Ed."

"Vaan is very lucky, then." Roy said. He kissed the top of the little boys head.

Al smiled at them. "He is, isn't he?"

-----

It was a Saturday. Saturday's meant Li-Lian and Van would burst into the house any minute, their parents still chocking on the dust of their passing some three blocks behind them. They would immediately rouse Roy from his bed and drag him into the kitchen to help them make breakfast. Alphonse and Zhi would arrive and set the table, then they would all sit down and eat. Li-Lian and Van would give him a run down of their entire week and then they would all clean up and sometimes they would head out to the park, or settle around Roy's living room and play a game. It was a ritual that Roy looked forward to. The closest to having a family that he let himself get. This Saturday was different.

Roy had been woken by a grave faced Hawkeye before the sun was up. He spent his morning at Headquarters, sitting silently at meeting after meeting, feeling peace slip away with every word. When he got home, Alphonse and Zhi were waiting for him, their children nowhere in sight.

"You've heard, then?" Roy asked, sinking wearily onto his couch.

Zhi nodded. "We've heard." She whispered. She sat down on one side of Roy and Alphonse sat down on the other.

"We head out next week." Roy said. He looked up, right into Alphonse's eyes. "This is going to be a long, bloody war. You have to leave."

"I won't-"

"You have to leave Alphonse. You have to take your family and go to Xing. You're not a killer, Al. War is no place for you." _Edward would never, never forgive me if I let you fight. If you can even call what they'll have you do fighting._

Two weeks later, when the door shut behind Fuhrer Hakuro, Roy looked down at the small red stone in his hand and he laughed and laughed, until the laughter turned into sobs, and he slumped against the wall with his head in his arms. _You died for nothing, Edward. You and Maes and Marco. You died for nothing. I wonder if you know that. _

-----

Roy had been right. The war had dragged on for almost a year, bloody battle after bloody battle, Amestris steadily losing ground, before the State Alchemists had called to the front, and handed their amplifiers. With the aid of the last of the red stones, the alchemists had slaughtered Drachma's army. The stone was gone now, and all that was left was the clean up.

Or so they had thought, but it seemed that there was one stone left, and a Drachma alchemist had it. The array that covered the city square was written in blood, the lines twisting and curving intricately. Roy wondered how long it had taken the man to draw it. He wondered how many people had died so he could.

The last of Drachma's army stood behind the alchemist as the man knelt and pressed both hands to the array. Roy snapped his fingers but his flames were swallowed up by the flare of red light. They were too late.

"Move!" Hawkeye shouted, at his side again. She pushed Roy aside, propped her rifle on the low wall in front of them, took aim, and fired.

The Drachman alchemist dropped like a stone. His array went out of control, doubling back on his own men, while still spreading outwards, and the Amestris soldiers that had begun their charge to stop him were suddenly retreating as what seemed like the whole world was swallowed up behind them.

Roy grabbed Riza by her uninjured arm and hauled her to her feet, pulling her along with him as he ran with the others, trying to escape the circle of destruction that was rapidly approaching. Havoc appeared on Roy's other side, a battered and bruised Russel with him. Russel pointed to the city gates, forty paces in front of them. "We're set up to stop it there! Hurry!" This was more to the men behind Mustang, as the crowd of panicked blue shifted its course suddenly, not just trying to get away anymore, but trying to get out.

They were ten feet away when the soldier stepped out in front of them, brown uniform tattered and soaked with blood. The boy- just a boy, no more than twelve years old- raised his rifle, aim steady and sure as he stared at Hawkeye with burning eyes. Roy reacted without thought, knocking Hawkeye down as the boy's finger squeezed the trigger.

There was pain, darkness, then-

"General!"

"Roy!"

"Mustang!"

"GENERAL!"

"_Colonel." Warm, strong hands drawing him down, down, into warmth and silence and light._

-----

A soft breeze ghosted across his face, and Roy opened his eyes to sunlight filtering through the leaves of the tree that sheltered him and a face so familiar that it ached.

"Edward?" He asked, his breath hitching painfully in his chest.

"Shhh. You look tired." Edward said. Roy realized that he was lying with his head in the younger man's lap. He could smell him. Books and oil and Ed.

"Yes." Roy agreed. He turned his head, squeezed his eyes shut, buried his nose in the soft cotton of Ed's pants.

Ed leaned down and gently pressed his lips to Roy's temple. His hair felt like feathers dusting over Roy's cheek. "You can rest now." Ed promised.

Roy wanted to, but being so near Edward made guilt and shame and pain well up in him, stronger than ever before and now there was nothing to hold them back. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Roy said, and it came out as a sob. "I'm sorry."

"For what, Colonel?" Edward asked. "You have nothing to apologize for. Not to me." Edward was running his hand through Roy's hair. "If anything, I should thank you."

Roy sat up, pulled himself out of Edward's arms. "No! I let you die! I should have stopped you!"

Edward sighed. His hair was loose and it tumbled over his shoulder, trailed down his back. It was the third time Roy had seen Edward without his braid. It made him seem softer, made the title Fullmetal seem too harsh, too heavy. "Colonel. You had your own monsters to fight." He reached out and touched careful fingers tips to the now unblemished skin beneath Roy's left eye.

"I let you die!"

Ed shook his head. "No. You didn't."

"But-"

"Papa!" A small, dark boy shot up the hill towards them. He latched himself onto Edward's side, chubby hands fisting themselves into Edward's shirt. "Papa! I found you!" he said triumphantly.

Edward smiled, tugging the boy into his recently vacated lap. "So you did."

The little boy giggled, grabbed a handful of Ed's hair. Roy couldn't blame him, all that gold was tempting. "You gonna come play with us?"

"Of course. In a little bit."

Wide golden eyes narrowed. "Promise?"

"Promise." Edward said.

The little boy turned his gaze to Roy. They stared at each other for a minute. "Who're you?" The boy asked finally.

"I…" Roy trailed off. The boy had Edward's nose. He'd never really paid any attention to Edward's nose, but the boy definitely had it.

"An old friend." Ed said. "He just got here."

The boy tilted his head, narrowing his eyes. "Did you die in the war too?" he asked, childishly curious.

"He died in a different war." Edward answered for him.

"Is he the one you're waiting for?" The boy had Edward's hair too, Roy noticed, except it was shorter, and the color of dead leaves. The way the bangs peaked was the same, and that one stubborn piece of hair that poked up- what Roy had always referred to as Ed's antenna.

Edward nodded. "One of them."

"Nicholas!" Roy turned his head to see a young Ishbalan woman making her way up the hill, slightly hampered by her colorful patchwork of skirts. "Nicholas, are you bothering your father _again_?" She asked sternly, but her smile ruined the effect. "Come on. You can help me find your sister." She held out her hand and the boy immediately abandoned his father to take it. The young woman smiled at Edward. "Sorry Ed." She said cheerfully, sparing an extra smile for Roy and leading the little boy away.

Edward's eyes followed their progress down the hill, and he didn't speak again until they had rejoined the small group that sat by the edge of the river, so far away that their laughter was just a whisper.

"Who…?" Roy asked.

"My family." Edward said. His smile turned sad, and it was that smile that made Roy realize that Edward was old. Not as old as Roy himself, but definitely older than he had been when he'd walked into a nightmare and never returned.

"Your family?" Roy asked.

"Yeah." Ed grinned. "I married the most beautiful woman in all of Europe." He said proudly. He leaned closer to Roy and whispered conspiratorially. "Mainly because she makes the best pumpkin bread in the known universe, but don't tell her that, because her aims as good as Hawkeye's."

"Where are we?" But he knew, somehow, before Edward spoke.

"We're... in between the end and what comes after. We're waiting."

Roy almost didn't ask the next question, almost didn't want to know. "How did you die?"

The grin slipped away. "That night." Ed started, but didn't seem to know where to go from there.

"You died?" Roy wanted to make it a statement, but it came out a question.

"Yeah. I died." The grin came back. Edward's reaction to pain. "Hurt like a bitch, too. Al brought me back. Whole." Edward looked down at two matching flesh hands and shook his head. "I couldn't let him die. Wouldn't let him die. So I brought him back. It should have killed me. There is nothing equivalent to a life. Especially not his."

"But you didn't die?"

"No. I passed through the Gate, to the other side, the other world, where I lived for almost twenty years before being killed in an air raid during the war." Ed chuckled bitterly. "All worlds are the same, when you get down to it, but it took me a long time to realize that." Ed took a deep breath, released it. "It's pointless, to be bitter here, now, when everything is over." Edward scrubbed his hands over his face, sighed. The gesture was old, tired. Roy could remember his own father making that exact gesture many, many times but as a child Roy had not understood.

It felt almost like sitting next to a stranger.

"Edward." Roy felt like he had to speak. There had always been so much that he wanted to say, so much that he needed to tell the boy, but now that he was here with him, the words evaporated, leaving him confused and sad and desperate- but desperate for what, he didn't know. There was something that he wanted to tell Edward. Something that he wanted the young man to understand.

"Did you ever marry Hawkeye, Colonel?"

The abrupt change of subject startled Roy. "No." He said. "She and Havoc married, actually."

Edward boggled. "Hawkeye and Havoc?!?" He leaned back, looked up at the leaves. He snorted then, amused. "Hawkeye and Havoc. I can see it, actually. Are they happy together?"

"Yes, very." Roy looked down at his boots. They were the military issue ones he had died in, but clean. Ed was wearing soft brown pants and a loose fitting white shirt. He was barefoot. Had Edward died in that?

"Huh. What about Breda? Falman? Fuery? Armstrong?"

"Breda married a young woman from Central, got promoted to Colonel, and moved to East City. They have three little girls together. Falman married Scieszka. They still live in Central. They have a little boy named Maes. He acts like his namesake- camera and all. Fuery retired from the military three years after you disappeared. He works in Lior with Armstrong, married a pretty girl named Rose. You knew her, I believe. The three of them are like family." As Roy spoke of his men- _his_ family, he supposed- he felt himself relax. Despite all his many failures, all the lives that he had taken, he had managed to keep one promise. His men had survived and went on to live their lives.

"What about Winry? She ever find someone crazy enough to put up with her?"

Roy chuckled. "Yes. She met a young man in Rush Valley, then later on moved up to Central. They do good business."

"Any kids?"

"A little boy."

Ed sighed. "Poor kid. Winry can be a vicious bitch." It was said affectionately. "And…" Edward's voice lowered till it was almost a whisper. Roy looked back up at him. The younger man's eyes were closed, but he didn't look relaxed anymore. "What about… Alphonse. Was he…happy?" He opened his eyes, and looked at Roy, braced himself for the answer.

Roy wondered how honest he should be. "Most of the time, he was, yes. At first, he didn't remember anything of the four years you two traveled together, so he was confused often, and he was convinced that you were alive, so he spent most of his first four years back searching for you. After some of the memories returned, he was convinced that you were dead. I think that in some ways, that was easier. Final. He kept studying alchemy. Traveled to Xing, where he fell in love with an amazing young woman with a wicked sense of humor. They married and had two absolutely wonderful children. A little boy and girl. The girl's an awful lot like you. Looks like you, too." Roy thought of Alphonse, always smiling, patient and sweet in almost every situation thrown at him. Alphonse, standing by his brother's grave with his children, brought up on tales of the uncle they'd never met, respectfully silent behind him. "Yes. He was as happy as he could possibly be, without you by his side."

Ed had been watching Roy as he spoke, and his face had slowly lost all its apprehension, replaced by that achingly sad smile again. "You loved him, didn't you? You were there with him the whole time, weren't you?" He reached out and took one of Roy's hands in his own. His eyes were wet. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. If I'd stopped you-"

Edward put one finger against Roy's lips. "No, Roy. I don't blame you. Alphonse doesn't blame you. The only one who blames you is you, and there's no need. I did what I had to do, and there is nothing you could have done to stop me. You protected my brother and I to the best of your ability, even when you could barely protect yourself. I knew what it might cost me Roy."

The desperate feeling was back, that unnamable something that tried to claw it's way out of Roy's throat. "All those times that you were hurt, or confused, and I never did anything, pretended that I didn't notice, pretended that I didn't care. I was so stupid!"

"We both were." Ed said. "Too arrogant. Too afraid." The younger man laughed. "To think, all that we'd been through: wars, dismemberment, pseudo gods and homunculi, but we were afraid to show that we cared."

Roy's lips twitched. "More alike than we'd have liked to believe."

"Yeah." Ed said, not sounding the least bit put out.

"You've changed." Roy said.

Ed rolled his eyes. "Bastard. So have you." Ed reached out and traced the dark circles under Roy's eyes. "Still stubborn, though."

"_You_ are calling _me_ stubborn?"

Ed leaned towards him, grinning cheekily. "Yep. Which is why I'm glad that dealing with my kids and in-laws has given me nearly infinite patience." His expression then reverted to the strange melancholy that seemed to be Ed's usual state. "You're tired. You haven't let yourself rest since Ishbal. Haven't let yourself let go." He closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Roy's in a chaste kiss. Forgiveness and the offer of peace. "Let us watch over you for a while."

Roy nodded, blinked away the familiar burn in his eyes. "Alright."

Ed grinned again. "Good." He said, pulling back and getting to his feet. He reached down and grabbed Roy's arm, hauling him up. "Because there's someone else who's been waiting for you." Ed let go of Roy's arm, stepped back. He was looking at someone behind Roy's shoulder. "I'll be down by the river." Then he reached out and cuffed Roy on the side of the head. "And stop looking so damn guilty!" He walked away, grabbing the little girl that had wandered towards them and swinging her up into his arms.

Roy turned around. Hughes was leaning against the tree, young as Edward and smiling.

"Hello, Roy."

-------------------------

**Author's Note: **Yes, I have seen the movie, but this has been in my head since I finished watching the series and so I wrote it anyway. By the way, the 'Ishbalan' girl that Ed married is not Noah, but an original character from my other fanfic, Some Things Are Free. This is where the idea for Some Things Are Free came from. Please, please tell me what you thought of it, and tell me what I could do to improve it.


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